Adults find moving stressful but at least they can see the potential long-term benefits. They can balance the positives with the negatives. Children are different: they simply don’t understand the benefits of leaving a home they have known for several years, with the friends they have made and the happiness at the schools/nurseries they have attended. 

Children tend to like structure and a strong dose of certainty so many have problems with upheaval. This is particularly problematic if the parents are visually stressed themselves, arguing, tense and less able to spend quality time with their children as they cope with all the issues that surround the selling and buying process: not just the legal elements but everything else, from trying to find new schools for the kids to sorting out the removal – and all of this while still having to go to work (two out of three families are two-earners so both will be working).

Unfortunately, many parents are so wrapped up in the whole moving experience that they tend to forget about what their children are thinking or feeling. Indeed, the more stressful the house during this period, the higher the probability the kids will act up. This is their way of saying, ‘what’s going on – why are we moving? I’m happy here’.

It’s a big ask, but parents need to think through how they help their children through this ‘change experience’. There are several things you can do to lay the groundwork for the change. First, explain to the children, even young children, why you are moving, and particularly the benefits for them – use your imagination to create a positive picture about the new house, neighbourhood, school, better network of friends, swimming facilities, and so on.

Second, try not to be too argumentative and stressed in front of the children. I know this is not easy, but if you model stressed behaviours, they will only see the negatives of this whole process.

Third, make sure that you don’t minimise face-to-face quality time with the kids; ensure that you continue to listen to them, do homework or reading with them, do the bath and bedtime without rushing it so you can be making phone calls about something to do with the move. 

Finally, you might consider taking your children to the new house and area and showing them the positives: sporting facilities, bigger garden, newer school, whatever you think would make them less negative about moving. This will also give them a sense of where they are going, which should help to provide some reality to what you have been saying about the new house and the school.

In the end, being open and honest with your children about the whys and wherefores of the move is the best approach; they will understand even if it is unsettling for a while. As the 19th-century social reformer John Ruskin once wrote: ‘to make your children capable of honesty is the beginning of education’.

Further information

'Helping children to cope with a family move' is part of our new series of blogs, 'Moving Stories', inspired by Savills new advertising campaign. Each week, the pre-eminant psychologist, Professor Sir Cary Cooper, CBE, will be writing on a range of topics, from how to deal with the stress of moving to just what it is that makes a house a home.

Moving Stories will also be exploring the complex relationship between home and home-owner with funny, sad and bittersweet personal reflections on moving out, moving in and moving on.

We invite you to submit your own Moving Stories and will donate £50 to Dreams Come True for every one we publish on Savills UK Blog. We'll also make a donation for every story submitted for consideration.